Where can I get more creative around how I express love?

Forever grateful for the love freely given to me, the unconditional, unshakeable, solid as a rock love that lifts me, soothes me and reassures me of my worth. I return in favour, tenfold, and I promise to be mindful of how my love for you is given. I cannot promise you that it will come in the forms and shapes you most desire but I wholeheartedly pledge it will be how I feel is best to ease you, support you, guide you and bring you into the light and love as I remind you enrich my life and the unbreakable bond that we share.

I welcome your loving energy unconditionally and cherish it irrevocably, please know that your smile and kind words are the fuel that ignites my world with warmth and fills my heart with joy.  Reciprocally my love languages I gift without need or desire of reward or praise. My love is to be shared and our love is to be honoured. My love falls like a blanket from the highest waterfall to comfort and protect. With immeasurable force I release pure majestic showers of positive vibrations over sharpened edges of doubt and insecurities, there to massage and soothe when waves of fear and grief take over and strength and protection you need. There, you will find where I love.This you will feel when I share.

I pledge to give more that is laughter, more than is attention and more of myself whenever you should call or ask. I give my heart with each physical touch and nurture us upon every interaction, like sunshine on a seedling I tend our love for each other with the greatest of care and like nature, without thought of how or why. But with the indescribable knowing because this is what is pure and real, this is life and purpose, this is my why and my reason. 

5 YEAR PLAN

So I have a five year plan

A plan where I am free and wild

And where I am loved beyond measure

A plan where my wealth is my carefree and Gypsy life

And I have an endless feeling of happiness

So I have a five year plan

Where smiles are my good mornings

And laughter are my end

Where I dance like everyone’s watching

And it encourages others to join in

So I have five year plan

I am blessed with family, community and empowerment

But have only one real lover

I am inspired and inspiring 

But my strength is found within

So I have a five year plan

There is no longer fear or worry

I flow in tune with the universe

There is only abundance and gratefulness

I am aligned with my higher self

So I have a five year plan

A plan I know I can attain

I am excited for my future

A plan where I can finally be who I am

So I have a five year plan and it only took 55 years to get one

He bought me back

 Coming up to 8 years since his passing and grateful for his visit last night urging me to revisit this blog and start again writing to express my feelings. I still miss him and I wonder was he my love lost, my missing link in my chain of hearts, my unrequited love, my soulmate I never had, My LOVE? He was and I hope he knew that at the end - I feel his forgiveness for not being the perfect friend and remembering the love I felt for him still brings a smile - I remember. I remember regardless of how bitter sweet it was. And I will never forget x

Alone but not lonely cause I feel you still

Your visits are few and further between but

They see me through and I know when it is you

Typical to keep me hanging and that’s ok

Cause I know you and I know that this is your way

I miss you my love but I say with a smile

See you on the dark side of the moon

For our first kiss for a lifetime

Not much has changed

Never will I understand, 
Why my love, denies my hand.


What pain, what suffering have you endured?


With my help, can you be cured?

My thoughts, my dreams, you're always there,


When will you see how much I care?


Such little time I’ve spent with you,


Enough to know my love is true.

The further you drift away from me,


The more I feel I’ll never be free.


Perhaps I should just let you go,


Your love maybe, I should not know?

My love and friendship is always here,


And if you should ever shed a tear,


My arms are here to hold you tight,


For I will always be your light.

Distraction from my attraction

........is working a wonder?

And no the distraction does not come from another as that piece of my heart is still unavailable and although I try not to think about it thoughts of him always seems to creep in with a small pang of sadness.

I await for the day when I hear he's clear, I can imagine there will be a sigh of relief and a feeling of grief when I realise he is now free to live his life, find his love and be all the things he wants to be.

So in the meantime I have thrown myself into a new found interest which has taken place of that constant obsession, centering around those other two that own the rest of my heart.

Keeping busy creatively thinking, finding new inventive ways to fill my mind. Thinking out of the box, this constant planning is all consuming but I find it is only a band aid and not a cure.

And I miss him.
I hope he's okay.

Regrets

Too old for him, too far away

Are obstacles that lay between us

But he opened my heart and closed my eyes

And I thought that nothing could stop us.

The old adage if you love someone

Will return if they were always yours

Is something I hope for with all my being

But I make no claims on his heart.

I want to tell him how much I miss him

And how sorry I am inside

To try to help him understand

My crazy hazy mind.

I felt I had to let him go

That I was no longer worthy

I only want what's best for him

His happiness is what's important.

So I hope he has but one fond memory

And sees me in a better light

Than the way I sabotaged our path

And left without a fight.

Another love lost

WANTED
the driver

He's making big plans for his future

.... but I'm not in them?

While there's a special girl wanting to love him

.... but will he choose me?

He has a loving, supportive circle of friends

.... that I'm not a part of.

And a family who rallies around and adores him

.... but without me.

His dreams and aspirations will guide him

.... but his travels will pass me by.

All I wanted was that first hug. To know the warmth of his arms around me.

But that honor will go to another. As I fade.... like a distant memory.

And now all that is left are my own regrets, that I wasn't the person he wanted me to be

He's making big plans for the future .... but I'm not in them
With that special girl.... that's not me.